I was terrified about being a parent long before I ever became one. It all started when my four-year-old niece slept over and ate my husband’s candy pink allergy pills. She went limp in my arms, and began drooling when I called poison control. I carried her down the street to the hospital a block from my apartment in San Francisco. I felt like I was in a war zone with a wounded soldier bleeding to death as I raced him to a medic.

My sister was not happy to get that phone call from the hospital. Everything turned out fine though. Yeah, it was no big deal. A little black charcoal and Emily was all good. She’s never slept over since though, and she’s 12.

It’s funny now that I’m older and a mom to my own children. Boys. Off the chart active boys who really should be on heavy doses of ADD drugs but that’s just crazy right? Instead, I had my husband change the doorknob to the bathroom so I can lock it from the outside. Hey, at least they have the toilet if they need it. My husband doesn’t approve and neither do I really but it’s either that or I’m fu***ing out of here.

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